The entire week after my big health scare (I had a cyst on my ovary), my older man Keegan nursed me back to health. He took care of me, fed me, and washed my laundry. (Well, he tried and ruined a few things, but he tried and that’s what matters.) Keegan went all out so that all I had to do was rest on the couch.
It was way above and beyond for such a minor medical issue, but this was such a defining quality in him that I took notice. If we were to ever have kids, if I ever could have his children, I wondered if he would be so attentive, caring, tender, and helpful. I was convinced he’d make the perfect father to my kids.
Then reality dawned on me, as he’d been gone for nearly 18 hours through the night. He left for work at 10 p.m. as I drifted off to sleep, and I hadn’t heard from him since. I knew he worked hard and long hours, and I was still taking pain meds, so I might have been a little more sensitive.
But I called him incessantly anyways. He didn’t answer, so I started to get worried. My mind was running a mile a minute thinking about everything we had already been through. Just as I started to dial his number yet again, he walked in the door. “Right on time,” I said. I was genuinely happy to see him. I let out a sigh of relief and held him so close. He smelled so good, like moisturizer and cologne. These would come to be my favorite smells, consistently reminding me of this man who had become my everything.
“We need to talk,” he said.
Those four little words were like a nuke dropping square into my happily ever after, demolishing everything in its path and leaving nothing but pure devastation in its wake.
“About what?” I asked hesitantly, sitting up and beginning to fidget with my fingers.
“About me and you, our future. You mean so much to me, Vivian. I have never connected with someone on so many levels, been so attracted to and excited by someone. Even high school and college, I was often single and only ever had two serious relationships before. One was in college and she cheated on me. The other was with the ex of 10 years who turned out to be a bit of a psycho. I love you and I want you to know that, but you also need to realize I come with a decent amount of baggage. There’s the big age difference. After all, I am much older than you, are you sure you can handle that? Are you sure you want to handle that? We will be in two different places in our lives on more than one occasion. It will be much harder for you than for me, but have you thought about the longevity of our relationship?” He said placing his head in his hand. It seemed like he had already decided that this relationship would never work…