What to Tell Your Husband When You Start to Hate Everything About Him

What to Tell Your Husband When You Start to Hate Everything About HimOn the first day of Decem­ber, the unthink­able hap­pened. I made my hus­band his favorite din­ner, poured his favorite wine, and told him that I was leav­ing him. The con­ver­sa­tion was not planned. In fact, when I first sat down for din­ner, I was not even sure that I would actu­ally say any­thing. It was sud­den and out of nowhere, but I could no longer stay. As I faced him across the table from me while we had din­ner, my stom­ach churned. I loathed the man’s actions with every inch of me.  I could no longer stay. I needed to break up this mar­riage, at least for now.

My affair with Der­rick was still ongo­ing and I had no inten­tion of stop­ping. I loved my hus­band, but the unfair treat­ment I was get­ting from him was too much to han­dle. One day he loved me and said I was the best thing that had ever hap­pened to him. Then the next day, he would say he hated me and wished that he had never mar­ried me. It didn’t help that things with Der­rick were going great. Not only was the sex amaz­ing, but now with his wife out of the pic­ture, he was more atten­tive. He was work­ing even less and I could tell he felt lib­er­ated.  The fact that he got to keep all his money in the divorce made mat­ters even better.

Is there some­one else?” he asked. His voice was shaky and I could tell he was hurt. He stared at me with those eyes that I once loved, but as I gazed into them now, I felt nothing.

No. I just need time for myself. I’ve lost myself in this mar­riage. You crossed lines that you never should have. But I can’t blame you for that. I let you cross them and I did noth­ing when you did. I just need space to fig­ure every­thing out. I’ll be rent­ing a house a few cities away. My old house.” It was true, sort of. I would be stay­ing at Derrick’s house. “It’s not fair for me to tell you to wait for me, but if you want to wait, then wait. I don’t plan on being gone for­ever. I just need to fig­ure out what I really want. I feel really lost.”

I con­tin­ued telling Robert that I had been unfaith­ful. “I wasn’t com­pletely hon­est with you. That time you kicked me out, well, I started talk­ing to Der­rick again. Noth­ing ever hap­pened, but there’s a spark that I need to put out and I can’t do it while I’m still mar­ried to you.” I lied and said I had never cheated on him. I knew even­tu­ally, if Robert was will­ing to take me back, that I would go back to him. I needed to make sure he believed he was the only one. I was cruel to him and said he pushed me to talk to my ex, Der­rick. I told him that it was his abu­sive behav­ior that made me vul­ner­a­ble enough to let another man in.

Robert refused to believe I was leav­ing. He tried con­vinc­ing me to stay and apol­o­gized. He said that he would start therapy—something I had been ask­ing him to do from the very start of our relationship—but I told him it was too late. I said I was leav­ing to work on myself, and that if he wanted to work on him­self, then we could meet again a few months later and see where we stood.

By the time our con­ver­sa­tion ended, we were both in tears. No mat­ter what had occurred in our life, I had once upon a time truly and hon­estly loved this man with all of my heart. I sim­ply could not love him any­more. I packed my bags and drove to Derrick’s old house, the one he ini­tially let me stay in years earlier.