Why I Couldn’t Leave My Older Man, Even After I Caught Him Cheating: Part 2

WhyICouldntLeave_Pt2As the months passed, it became more and more evi­dent that Der­rick, my older mar­ried man, was hav­ing some sort of a midlife crisis—and I was part of it. Every­thing we did was spon­ta­neous and all about his desires. It was hard to see at first because, after all, I was the one receiv­ing all of the lav­ish gifts. But at the end of the day, every­thing revolved around him. My exis­tence in his life was depen­dent on him and his desires. What­ever he wanted from me he got on demand and to his lik­ing. The times he spoke about his wife, and the rea­sons behind his unhap­pi­ness, were always all about him feel­ing trapped and exploited. He said that his wife sucked the life out of him.

She doesn’t make me happy the way you do.  You love me like she never could,” he would tell me.

By ‘she never could,’ do you mean she never did?” I asked. “Or like she never could again?” I needed to know how I could be dif­fer­ent.  How I would keep him sat­is­fied after he left his wife?

Once upon a time she did. But that was then, and this is now. She never could now. It’s impos­si­ble.  She lacks the life that you have, the tenac­ity and eager­ness in your heart.” He smiled, and I could tell that he knew he could do no harm in my eyes because I would always love him.

Well, I love you now, and I don’t see any­thing about that chang­ing,” I told him, and my words were honest—I did really love this man. Had the sit­u­a­tion not been com­pli­cated by his wife, I would have been hap­pier than ever before.

I know, and that’s what makes you so great. I had a feel­ing about you, Cassie, ever since that day you served me my chicken wings at the restau­rant the night I met you.” He walked over to me, wrapped his arm around my waist, squeezed gen­tly, and said, “You and I are invin­ci­ble, like young bucks run­ning free. No one can stop us.”

In the moment, I smiled, rel­ish­ing in his words about “us.” But look­ing back now, I could feel the des­per­a­tion in his heart and hear the long­ing in his tone. He needed me, not to love, but to give him life again, to reju­ve­nate his soul. His busi­ness, wife, and kids had depleted him. He had lost his way. He needed me for inspi­ra­tion because, unlike him, I was young and free.

  • http://kibblesbits.wordpress.com/ Ann

    You deserve to be mis­er­able, he didnt cheat, you’re just the toy he is using. The only one being cheated on is his wife.