When I got home from Derrick’s place, my husband, Robert, was waiting for me in bed. He was watching TV and, although I did not smell anything like Derrick, I jumped in the shower—partly just to spite Robert. I still had not forgotten the comments he made before I left. I walked out of the shower stark naked. My body was firmer than it had been in months—the stress from our marriage only strengthened my relationship with the gym. I was doing yoga and Pilates twice a day, every day. I intentionally walked in front of Robert’s view. I was feeling frisky and it was all thanks to Derrick, my old lover. I bent over to grab my clothes and felt Robert behind me.
“How was your night with the girls?” he asked as he grabbed me by the waist.
“My time with him was fabulous.” I turned around with a smile on my face and kissed him passionately. I couldn’t believe that I had just said that. He would think I was kidding, but to actually be serious made me feel kind of naught. That night, I released all the desire I had for my ex-lover on my husband. I made love to him with a passion that could only arise from lust—little did he know that it was lust for another man.
“I love when you go out with the girls,” said Robert, before we had sex again and I fell asleep in his arms, all the while thinking of Derrick.
My relationship with Robert eventually stabilized. We went through moments of heaven and then moments of hell. I was over the roller coaster of our marriage, but was still completely invested in him. Although I had contact with Derrick on a daily basis, I had not officially cheated on my husband, at least not physically. Emotionally, however, was a whole other story. Not only did Derrick and I reminisce about the past, but we also spoke about things we wanted to do to each other. We spoke about all the reasons why we should be together and all the reasons why we couldn’t be. We had both signed a prenup and had a lot to lose if we stepped out of the marriage. For a while, we contemplated whether or not cheating on our spouse would be worth the financial loss. But in the end, we both concluded that we weren’t ready for an affair yet. In the meantime, flirting would have to suppress the hunger we had for each other.
As the weeks passed, our anticipation was growing more and more intense. Both Derrick and I wanted to take our relationship further, but were conflicted for different reasons. One night, we decided that we could no longer go without seeing each other, so we decided to go out for dinner. Unfortunately, his wife called and said that she was leaving work early and wanted to have an early dinner with him. Derrick said he didn’t care, that he needed to see me, even if it was from afar.
We planned to meet at the restaurant, both with our own spouses, just to catch a glimpse of each other. My husband was excited to go out to dinner and I could not help but feel a little bit of guilt. I made sure to wear a sexy red dress—red was Derrick’s favorite color on me.
“I’m so lucky to have you. You are so beautiful.” Robert grabbed my waist and we walked downstairs. Before he opened the front door, he caressed my face and kissed me. The entire time, I wondered if Derrick would like my new dress.