Brian stood in front of me, putting his hips between my knees. At over six feet and 225 pounds, seeing his lean muscular body so close to my five-foot-two body was almost terrifying, but also incredibly exciting. I was sure that I knew what he wanted and after he pulled me into him, kissing me passionately while wrapping his arms around my body, I just knew that I wanted the same thing. There was no stopping us, not one bit of struggle or second thought.
I slid up into the bed of the truck as he climbed in and took off his shirt. He slipped off my dress and put the clothing under my head before he swiftly unbuttoned my bra while kissing me sweetly. That night, we made love several times in the bed of his pickup in the parking lot of the bar. Not a single person noticed, and if they did, well, we didn’t notice them noticing us. It was a very gratifying sexual experience.
By the time we started getting dressed neither of us was drunk anymore. So I suggested it was time that I go home. Brian held me close, my head only coming up to his chest. Oddly enough, a thought popped into my head that felt absolutely awkward—I wondered if that’s what it felt like to hug my father, since he was just as tall and I was so short.
And that’s when it hit me. The extreme guilt, shame, and utter disappointment in myself for what I had just done to my fiancé. Keegan had given me everything, yet I just allowed another man inside of my body, the same body that belonged to him. I never should have taken off my engagement ring. I was a fool.
“I have to go. This was wrong and shouldn’t have happened. Goodbye, Brian,” I said as I hopped into my vehicle and took off. Brian just stood there watching me with this look on his face that I’ll never forget. It would be two years before I would hear from him again.
By the time I made it home, it was nearly 6 o’clock in the morning. Clearly, Keegan knew something was up, and he made sure I knew that he was not OK with my being out so late and ignoring his texts and phone calls. But what made matters worse was that I apparently told Laura and her boyfriend to meet me at my house, but I didn’t show up until almost five hours later.
Long story short, Keegan knew the party was over hours earlier, he knew I was last seen with Brian, and he knew that the entire time unaccounted for was spent f*cking another man in the bed of his pickup truck—less than two weeks before our wedding. There are no words for what I felt in that moment.