As Marco packed for his trip and I sat there reeling, wondering what changed, I couldn’t help but feel hurt, so I dug my “grave” a little deeper. I asked him the dreaded question at the worst possible time: “Where do you see us in one year, or three, or five, or even 10 years?” But before he could respond, I fired a few more heavy hitting questions at him. “Do you picture us ever getting married? Having kids? Are we OK in that respect?”
Looking back, it was a bit nuts for me to run full speed into that type of conversation so early into our relationship, and especially as he was packing to leave. I didn’t want him to leave on a bad note. I wanted more than anything to spend more time with him, to make love to him, and to feel somewhat like a real couple, the couple I thought we were. I struggled immensely with this throughout our relationship.
It had taken some time for him to introduce me to his friends, but, after my experience with my ex Brian’s friends, I wasn’t in too much of a hurry. He lied to his family about me and told them that I was renting space in his home while in college, since he was away so much. It wasn’t far from the truth per say, but it hurt my feelings to be so diminished in his life. I went into this believing we were in a real relationship, and in most aspects we were at first, but it changed somehow.
Marco sat me down on the bed and held me close; we had a little chat and he comforted my anxieties. He intentionally skirted the questions of marriage or children, but answered the “where do you see us” question with a refined, “Happy, loving each other as we do now, and traveling.” Something in my gut just didn’t sit right; alarm bells were going off in my head, but I smiled anyway and made the best of our time together before he was off to the airport yet again. Marco warned me about his temper—I knew that if I had pushed the subject any further, he may just show me that temper.
When I woke up the next morning, he had already left for the airport. My phone had several missed calls from his work cell phone, which was highly unusual. Why was he frantically trying to reach me? Was everything OK? I called him back immediately, but his work phone was off…